thank God...

two posts in as many days...shocking

anyway, so many of you know i love Oprah. (sidenote: i almost had to initiate a friendship breakup recently when my bff called Oprah the anti-Christ and misidentified an *NSync song as the Backstreet Boys all within three minutes. it was rough.) and i love music. and i love it when songs are given to me to answers the questions that haunt me.

today i have two songs...and you are probably wondering why i mentioned Oprah. here's why: Carly Simon was on Oprah yesterday with her kids Sally and Ben Taylor. i love Carly Simon, don't know much about Sally, and i love Ben Taylor (and his dad James too). so here is the deal. immediately after Oprah, I was on my way to church and had grabbed my both Carly Simon "Reflections" cd and Ben Taylor Band EP. I wanted to hear two very specific songs. the first was featured on "American Dreams" several years ago. on that show, Ben Taylor played a singer in the bar that Patty, the pregnant wife of the Pryor's eldest son JJ, worked at. he sang the song "Surround Me" on the show and released it on an EP. anyway...lyrics to follow.

the second song i wanted to hear was Carly Simon's "Let the River Run," an Academy Award winning song from the Melanie Griffin movie "Working Girl." it is such a powerful song. it reminds me of my purpose. the bigger one. the significant one. anyway, as i skipped through to number 15 on the cd, i obviously passed by some amazing Carly Simon hits.

SIDEBAR: i am no Carly Simon connosuier (or however you spell it), but i have to tell you a HUGE pet peeve of mine. it drives me nuts when people say,"Oh, i love (insert name of favorite musician here). their song (insert name of most widely-known, over-played, pop-radio song here) is amazing." for example, "i love Barry Manilow. His song "Mandy" is amazing." Give me a break. if you really loved Barry Manilow, you would know that is not his best effort--most popular, perhaps--best, not by a long shot (at least in my humble, albeit assertive, opinion). another example, "i love Prince. Purple Rain was so good." the sheer volume of Prince music is far too expansive to be summed up in the theme song to an '80s biopic. i mean...it is a great song, and it isn't a terrible movie, but if you love Prince, is that really the evidence you would use to support your claim? see what i mean?

my point is this. although i grabbed the cd fully intending to (and actually listening to) "Let the River Run," an entirely different song now runs repeatedly through my head. and it answers that little inner girly girl i cited two posts ago. "You belong to Me" is the song. it is one of those i have probably heard a million times growing up, but never really paid attention to. i assume that, because when it began to play i didn't know that i knew it and yet proceeded to sing every word. so, not every word is relevant to the aforementioned predicament, but some are.

Why'd you tell me this?
Were you looking for my reaction?
What do you need to know?
Don't you know you'll always be my girl

You don't have to prove to me you're beautiful to strangers
I've got loving eyes of my own

You belong to me
Tell her you were fooling
You don't even know her
Tell her that I love you
You belong to me

Can it be, honey, that you're not sure
You belong to me
Thought we'd closed the book - locked the door

And I can tell
I can tell darling tell her
tell her that I love you
You belong to me

I know you from a long time ago, baby
Don't leave me to go to her now

so here's my two sense worth on all of that. i feel like God is reminding me that i am His; that He sees me as His beautiful creation. He is the "I," i am the "you," and "her" is the world. He sees me as beautiful. He reminds me that He loves me, yet i continually try to prove myself and my worth to Him and to the world. both efforts are futile. i can't prove my worth to Him, because my only worth is in Him. at the same time, trying to be enough for the world is assinine. i really love the ending, "I know you from a long time ago, baby. Don't leave me to go to her now." in Psalm 139:13-16, this point is made. "Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother's womb. I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! I worship in adoration—what a creation! You know me inside and out, you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I'd even lived one day." i feel like God is saying gently, "Look, Trace, I created you. You are mine. That is enough. Believe it. Don't leave me. I know you inside and out. I know you past, present, and future. And I love you. Believe Me." ok, so the truth is, i may be way, way off. but does it matter. if i can draw renewed confidence in my savior and creator, if i can believe Him, isn't that the point?

thank you Father. thank you for giving people gifts to share. thank you for inspiring me. thank you for allowing me to see truth in the darkness. thank you for allowing me and for encouraging me to claim truth where i find it. You are truth, God. and if there is truth out there, i must believe it is you. my prayer continues with the words of another, Father. please accept them as my own prayer...

Love, surround me with all Your reach now while we're here alone
now our bodies are ocean and beach, lessons of waves and stones
floating a lonely sound You found me, and now that the tide is finally down
surround me; surround me; surround me

and, Love, move for me; roll beneath the sky
shadows and silver cross Your face, pulls a moonlit night
weak from standing on sandy ground You found me
and now that I'm finally falling down
surround me; surround me; surround me

Love, surround me while You can till these waves grow cold
i've gone too deep; icannot stand; i burned before i froze
running to save my life and leaving You
and now in the heat of this dreadful dry, i'm needing You
surround me; surround me; surround me

Love, surround me. today, tomorrow and the next day. every moment. i love you. amen.