two...two..two blogs in one

#1) go limp
last wednesday in chapel, i experienced Christ in a whole new way. i had a picture of Him i will not soon forget and must share.

here's what happened: i reminded myself -my spirit- to worship; i.e., not just to sing empty words, but to sing the songs as praises and prayers to The King. i can't even remember what we sang exactly, but i remember this: i was prone to distraction. i closed my eyes. i felt the Spirit leading my right hand up into the air. my flesh was self-conscious, but my soul didn't care. i kept singing. loudly. too loudly maybe. as i closed my eyes, i saw what God was trying to tell me: i am like a little baby, and not in the good way. not in the with faith like a child way. but in a bad way. a disgraceful way. (p.s. i now for the first time fully captured the meaning of the word disgraceful.) this is what i saw and felt. God reached down with His big, ever-present, omnipotent hand and picked me up by the wrist. He let me dangle there. on one hand, i felt safe in the arms of my Abba father. on the other, i knew i was being convicted.

have you ever been in the mall or the supermarket when the tantrum of a two-year-old ensues? the parents have had it, and they choose to grab the screaming child by the wrist, snatch him up off the floor, and carry him away. i used to work retail, and i saw this all of the time. the point isn't the appropriateness of the parental reaction to his child's misbehavior. the point is the child's reaction to the parent's admonition. generally, the reactions of children being reprimanded in such a way is to go limp. i am not sure why. likely, there is some deep seeded psychological, nature vs. nurture, Freudian explanation, but i don't know it, and i don't care.

the point is this: as God lovingly rebukes me in my own disobedience, i go limp. i resist His gentle, helpful embrace. i trade His sacrifice for the temporary pleasure of the world. a harsh realization.

so that is the picture. God protecting me from myself and from the world, and i go limp. what a shame.

Father, when your loving arm reaches down to snatch me up from the strongholds of the world, i pray that rather than going limp, i would climb up Your arm and into the gentle lap of Your embrace. i pray, Father, that i would be obedient in the big things and in the small, that your name might be glorified by my life. and, Abba, i thank you for who You are, for the attributes of Your character that are revealed in everything i see around me.

#2) oh, how times have changed.
my last blog was some rant about ben being engaged. isn't it strange how quickly things that used to be of pimary import one day are all but forgotten the next. as i revisit the last entry, it is difficult to imagine that i gave any of that a second thought.

i feel like my whole life has been turned upside down in the matter two weeks or less. that is all....for now...

Thank you, Father. Thank you.